Your standing in a crowded beach, facing the setting sun miles away and with every incoming wave you feel the sensation of motion as it leaves you, like you're running on water far from all the noise and shout into a vacuum where all you can hear are your lungs exhaling .....and then you look down and see that your standing in the same spot and realize that it all truly is in the mind.
People often ask me what do you fear the most, and I think it is the fear of losing myself. I don't want to reach a level where I cannot answer the questions my own mind asks. I want to be responsible for my every action, emotion and consequence. Yes people affect you and make you lose control but never ever should you be at the service of someone else's happiness. Depending on my surroundings for my own comfort is not good enough..I want to reach a point of such self content that every emotion - happy or sad - comes from within me and everything outside of me should act as an added incentive. You're happy and the world around you is happy. That is why people get depressed and go and do wrong full things..because for them everything, inside and out has become ugly. But thanks to Einstein, we live in a world of relativity. Relativity. Scientifically and mathematically very sound but I think is the root of all issues and problems. Happiness is relative. How can happiness be relative? Happiness is simply happiness..as humans the same things should make us smile...the same chord should dance our heartbeats. Why then do few find happiness in rivalry, in bombings, in war and others in charity work and humanitarianism. We are all branches of the same root then why do we all blossom different colored flowers.
I am slowly learning how to be happy inside and subsequently making my world outside beautiful. So what if people leave you, so what if you leave people, so what if plans don't fall through, so what if someone does something better than you did, so what if you made mistakes..I believe that if you can wake every morning and look yourself eye to eye in the mirror and not feel the need to look away for even a split second then you are self contained, you are happy.
And so, after completing 10 centuries of miles on my new car - even though cigarettes have become cheaper to buy than gas - after another topsy turvey year in completion, all I can say that it has been good...it has been fulfilling...it has been happy!
No comments:
Post a Comment