many hours later, after having written enough papers to have published my own short story, i sit at a table, after going through a series of three different locations, at the local starbucks a mere 10 minute drive away from my apartment, and my mind starts to wonder once again and well, here i am.
there is just something about the top floor of this coffee house that gives me hope ..hope for someone. as i sit here i see the numerous couples, friends, study groups, old, young, children that come in and out, some staying for many hours, like myself, and others just hopping in for a quick coffee. and after many days like this i've realized that i like people. i like people a lot. i like having people with me and around me as much as i can. and this only strengthens my inner desire for another entity to live my life with me. another person who's life i wanna become entangled in and i want them to share my life. and yet i sieze from going to parties and dinners and other such events which will not only open more doors to meeting new individuals but also allow me to relieve this desireful burden off of me.
sometimes i just sit without my spectacles in front of my eyes enjoying the blur that surrounds me. loving that bubble around me. and believe that if i see anybody clearly in this parameter of mine, then they have stepped close enough for me to call them mine. only if i can see them can they seem me - the real me. it's a strange conundrum - you want someone but at the same time you push the world away. i feel like this often times. often times i find no one while standing in a crowd. and when i'm with friends i feel like im just surrounded by facades - various facades. and i used to blame one person for this and now i don't know who to point a finger at. someone once told me that you shouldn't point a finger at someone because four point back at you...go figure!
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