Sa-tis-fac-tion

It takes four syllables to say the word, one can't even start imaging how long it takes to understand the word. what is that one feeling that hits your heart and you're like "damn! that feels right!" ....i'll tell u what...there aren't many. probably because for most people, they spend their entire life living for others so they never really know what makes makes them feel right. i used to be one of those people...but now it's different. i feel different. i am different. call it what you may but i think it's coming to that realization that what you have now won't be there the next moment. so you build reassurance in concrete things...what actually translates into 'materialistic' things for those "live-for-others-people". and yes they are materialistic because you can touch them, you can see them, you can feel them.... you can actually depend on them. but they are also not materialistic because they are real and not fake and mind you, they are quite intricately deep and not shallow at all.

i feel satisfied when read a great piece of writing

i feel satisfied when i sip chai from panera and watch the rain fall

i feel satisfied when i listen to old hindi songs

i feel satisfied when a certain someone pops up on my messenger list

i feel satisfied when i make exceptional playlists

i feel satisfied getting an A in class

i feel satisfied when i can pencil out my thoughts....

and like benny benassi says..."push me, and then just touch me, till i can get my satisfaction". you need to be able to physically feel it so you know u can feel it again....reassurance....what makes you feel like there is still hope. hope for being happy again. hope for feeling the feeling of sa-tis-fac-tion again.

this and that

don't ask, and i won't tell. sometimes you have to come to terms with the reality of that which lives inside of you. i'm tired. i'm tired of the war that my mind and heart are playing. i'm exhausted by having to voice out commands to shut them both up. why does one get it and another doesn't. who is right? is anyone right? why do things go right when they are actually supposed to be wrong? but wait...who desides they are wrong? we do. we make the choices. we make the decisions. we decipher the rights from them wrongs. we are at the service to the kings, which are our emotions. it's a whole nother world in there. all we do is play out actions told to us. and sometimes its fun but most times its not. and you know why? because no one is perfect at this game. and that's why this is a game because if it was perfect, then nobody would be sick in this world. sick of life. sick of people. sick of pathetic situations. sick of sucky pasts. sick of love. but that's ok. because nothing is this or that in life...it's those. it's those people, those feelings, those occurrences, those expectations, those events. and it's up to you to make that great wall. to separate those into this and that. to let the right people with the this's to match your that's. but till then, heart don't ask mind wats wrong and mind won't tell heart.